This ritual was inspired by a night of illness—the hunger for comfort such nights induce when all else nauseates. This ritual was also inspired by the determination and resourcefulness of the hermit crab whose tiny, scuttling body entered my mind just as I found myself calm and healthy enough to think of sleep. The hermit crab’s manner of protecting its soft body by housing itself in shells abandoned by sea snails means that it literally carries its world. It also means that it is always in possession of what it knows will soothe and shield it when its watery habitat becomes difficult to navigate. I believe us humans also carry the ever-growing weight of our worlds with us, preserving this cargo in our heads rather than on our backs. The mind is in possession of every significant experience we have had and this is its best—though most dangerous—power. Our minds can often be a traumatizing/negative place, but it can also make it possible to quell the very pain it inflicts by allowing us to revisit precious moments where we felt safe and loved—where we felt most like ourselves.
I said this ritual was inspired by a night of illness, but it wasn’t just an illness of the body but of the mind. I ached and lurched, but my self-recognition was also in discomfort, and I found myself reeling over the existential fear that if I forced my body to rest, I would somehow erase myself.
Part coping mechanism, part séance of the self, part time travel—I created this ritual to help me and others return to a time when we most recognized and loved who we were so that we may bring that person back with us into the present like a precious souvenir from a trip. I suggest trying it during those nights where anxiety, illness, or profound sadness threatens to consume you. Remember, you are in possession of your own armor. Your life is your greatest campaign.
The Ritual
You will need...
A willingness to look back.
A place that you can call your own that is occupied and defined by your spirit and things.
At least ten minutes of unfettered time and relative silence.
An object that represents a largely beautiful phase in your life. This object can be a simple memento/knick-knack, an article of clothing/jewelry, a piece of furniture, anything really as long as it allows you to sense that you are obtaining your past and the good feelings it brings.
Once you have ensured your privacy and quiet, go to/put on/pick up your object and sit down so that you are fully comfortable. This object is your conduit to the past, as it is endowed with the aura of the time you are looking to retrieve.
Close your eyes and take several deep breaths, all the while releasing the tension you are carrying in your body. Feel yourself becoming submerged by the silence and space of the room, like your body is being slowly lowered into a pool of water. When your body starts to hum with something akin to low frequency radio static, you are ready to continue.
Become nascent and parent yourself. Do this by rocking yourself back and forth with the same rhythm used to soothe a child. It doesn't matter how old we grow, we all need nurturing. The only point of aging is that we hopefully gain the ability and wisdom to nurture ourselves. Take this moment to practice that skill.
When you feel calm, stop rocking, keep your eyes closed, and situate your mind's focus at the front of your forehead, creating a band of energy. Visualize your headspace as a silver screen in a movie theatre.
Locate the memory your object represents, the one where you recognize yourself as you the most. Project this memory upon the screen of your mental theatre, allowing it to gain clarity and intensity with every passing moment.
Now imagine yourself reaching towards this memory of yourself and hugging it. You can do this purely within your mind or physically. Hug this memory as you would a person whom you love the most and who has returned after a long absence. Think of all the attributes this former you possesses—these are the gifts they will be leaving with you.
After you have accounted for all of the positivity and potential this version of yourself possessed, thank it for reintegrating with your present, release your grip on the memory, and open your eyes. If you have a sense of being held, the ritual has worked.
If you find yourself in a type of suffering and anguish that cannot be quelled by ritual alone, please seek these resources first:
· National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 800-273-TALK (8255)
· Crisis Text Line – Text NAMI to 741-741
· National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
· National Sexual Assault Hotline – Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)